National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Walk May 5, 2014Posted by Crazy Mermaid in NAMI.
Tags: Involuntary Committment, Mental Hospitals, NAMI
Back on May 28, 2008, I was locked up at a psych ward in a mental hospital and stripped of my civil rights. All the doors were locked, and no one would tell me what I had to do in order to leave. My stay centered on how long a particular psychiatrist, Dr. Suh, thought I needed to stay. What I needed to do in order to get released was a mystery that no one explained. After a few weeks of being locked up, I came to believe that my husband was the source of my problems. I was sure he had me locked up because he was sleeping with my sister, and he didn’t want me in the way of their budding romance. I explained my theory to Dr. Suh, but he didn’t believe me and wasn’t about to release me. This scene played out for three long, agonizing weeks. Each day Dr. Suh asked me stupid questions, and each day I gave him my answers. But they were the wrong answers, because he never would tell me that I was free to go.
Finally, after three weeks, my court appointed attorney, whom I hadn’t seen since my commitment hearing three weeks prior, showed up and told me I was being released the following day. Since Dr. Suh had just indicated hours earlier that he wasn’t going to release me, I didn’t know whom to believe. Was Danica, my attorne,y right and I was being released, or was Dr. Suh right and I was staying? I planned for the worst but hoped for the best.
The following morning, my caseworker, Michelle, summoned me to a stifling little room and told me I was leaving. She had me sign some paperwork (I actually was unable to write my name but that didn’t seem to matter) and then brought my husband into the room. At that time, she told me I should go to a support group sponsored by National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). She said it was a group therapy kind of environment, and that only people with a mental illness could go. She indicated that attending that group would help me stay out of the mental hospital. I was all ears.
I was indeed released that day, and reveled in the freedom of not being locked up with no end in sight. I took Michelle’s advice and attended the support group, called NAMI Connections. My husband had to drive me to the meeting, which was held at Crossroads Mall in Bellevue, WA, because I was physically unable to drive because of all the drugs they had pumped into me at the hospital.
Once we arrived at the meeting, he left me at the door and Victoria, the co-facilitator, took me in hand. For reasons unknown to me at the time (but subsequently realized were induced by my medication), I started crying hysterically and couldn’t stop. Once the group started, Victoria led me out of the room and stayed with me while I tried to get control of my crying. The meeting only lasted 90 minutes, and I took up about half an hour of it with my crying jag. Finally, I got control of myself and we returned to the group. Once there, I was surprised at the number of people who had spent time at a mental hospital. In that environment, it wasn’t unusual at all. Many of the attendees could relate to my three weeks of being locked up. I felt good knowing that there were people in that room who understood what I had gone through. I felt a comradeship with them.
Once my medication started to kick in, my psychosis left me for the most part (I still hear voices when I get under stress), but I have continued to attend these support groups because of the fact that there are others like me there, dealing with the same problems I have. I don’t feel alone.
As I got better, I started getting more involved with NAMI. Now, I run a Connections support group and speak at colleges, hospitals, and police stations to audiences about what it’s like to live with a mental illness on a daily basis. That program is called, appropriately for me, In Our Own Voice, and it helps to put a face to mental illness in order to break down some of the stigma surrounding mental illness.
All of NAMI’s programs are free, but it takes money to run them. NAMI Washington’s only fundraiser is a Walk designed to raise money and awareness on Saturday May 17th. My team is called Merry Mermaids and Mermen, and this is a request for donations for my team. If you want to donate, any amount will help. The link is: https://securewalks.nami.org/registrant/LoginRegister.aspx?eventid=132532&langpref=en-CA&Referrer=direct%2fnone. Feel free to donate to either my team or me personally. Thank you for your consideration. Kathy Chiles