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Mental Illness and Stalking April 26, 2011

Posted by Crazy Mermaid in Bipolar Disorder, Delusions, mental illness.
Tags: , ,

Stalking is a matter of perspective.  From the standpoint of the stalker who is stalking a celebrity,  the stalker is convinced  that he has a very real, very personal connection to the person he’s stalking. He would be shocked to learn that what he’s doing- trying to fulfill the celebrity’s perceived request for that contact-  is viewed by law enforcement as well as the celebrity in question as stalking. How can it be stalking, he reasons, when the person he’s accused of stalking wants desperately to see him? It must be a misunderstanding.

When I was slipping into the final stages of my delusion (right before I was involuntarily committed to a mental hospital) I was absolutely convinced that I had Extra Sensory Perception (ESP), and that Bill and Melinda Gates were among my many powerful friends-friends that included the Dalai Lama and Oprah Winfrey-  who talked with me via ESP. When they talked with me, it came through as a voice in my head.  For those not familiar with the Gateses, they are some of the richest people in the world.  Anyway,  one of my hobbies was making jewelry, so it wasn’t surprising that (as part of my delusion) Bill and Melinda Gates begged me to make them some jewelry.

I agreed to their request for some of my fabulous jewelry, provided they give me direction on their tastes.  One of the capabilities of people who shared ESP with me was their ability to see the world through my eyes. Literally. It’s kind of complicated to explain, but suffice it to say that they looked out through my eyes and saw everything that I saw.  So it was perfectly natural for Bill and Melinda to wander around the bead shop with me, picking out beads for their own special necklaces as if they were actually in the room with me.  When Bill began picking out expensive stones, I balked. But Bill assured me that price was no object, since he (the richest man in the world) would be reimbursing me in the very near future for the money I spent.  With that guarantee from the richest man in the world, I allowed him to choose whatever stones he wanted.  So at his direction, I purchased expensive stones for the necklaces of him and his wife Melinda.

“We”  returned to my home where I spread the expensive loot  out on my kitchen table and began putting the necklaces together with “their” direction.  When “we” finished the jewelry,  “we” discussed how they were going to get the necklaces from me.  Should I mail them?  Should I send them via UPS?  Should I send them to their house in Medina? Or to Microsoft’s campus in Redmond?  At first,  “they” directed me to mail them to the Gates’ in care of their (real) nonprofit organization, The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. After further discussion, “we” agreed that I would give the necklaces to them when I met them in person, which was going to be in the very near future.  In the real world, I live about 20 minutes from the Gateses. So the thought of driving to their home didn’t seem out of reach at all. Fortunately for all of us, I ended up in the mental hospital before I could do any real damage.

It is easy for a delusional person to cross the line into what appears to the real world as “stalking”.  I had lost touch with reality to the point where I was convinced that the Gateses wanted their jewelry so badly that had “they” insisted, I would have, without question,  driven to their home in Medina (about 20 minutes from my home) with the intent of personally delivering the necklaces to them as they had requested. I would have been absolutely convinced that they were desperate for my jewelry, and wouldn’t have believed anyone who tried to tell me differently.

Had I followed that plan of action (rather than wait to meet them as we finally agreed), I would have been carted off to jail, labeled a stalker.  But in my mind, I would have been absolutely certain that the Gates’ were dying to see me, and I would have insisted that this was so.

In revealing this very personal and embarrassing episode that was part of my psychotic delusion, I hope to show how easy it is for someone suffering from delusions to become a stalker. I ask for the law profession to understand that when they are investigating a stalker, in reality they’re likely with a delusional mentally ill person.  I ask for them to show that “stalker” some compassion by getting an immediate psychological evaluation before sending him off to jail. With proper medical intervention, their  delusion, like mine, will evaporate and the psychotic individual will return to the real world.  And when it’s all over and they’re medicated and back in their right mind, they, like I, will be extremely embarrassed and ashamed of their behavior.



1. Djahnman - May 14, 2011

I agree completely. Good read. But you know… Jails are for storing the unwanted. Mentally ill people serve that purpose perfectly.
Jokes aside I have mental illness myself and have also traits of stalking behavior. It is very confusing and embarassing. I was once going to pursue a contact with an old “love” interest, who I started to exchange mails with for a while until contact was broken off. Could not stop thinking about her and thought we really had something special going, although we had not met in years (and when we did we rarely spoke to eachother. we were just school mates). This tendency to obsess about romantic interests have become much better (I think it is normal now since I do not obsess at all) after I began taking off label lithium orotate at low doses. My oh my… The mind certainly can play tricks on us!

2. Gary - January 17, 2012

I took have been accused of stalking and I am diagnosed with schizophrenia. My 1st psychotic episode was similar to yours I believed I had ESP and was in communication with this love interest via voices in my head.

Eventually it felt like they could see out of my eyes and I ended up being admitted into hospital for treatment.

A few years later I become psychotic again with a similar theme.

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